The Really Really Bad News

“Do you want the good news, the better news, the bad news or the really really bad new first?”
“Jack, what kind of question is that?” Ofelia asked.
Jack had been “negotiating” with the aliens all morning. Kathryn and Juliet had gone to the caves to reassure the rest of the colonists that all was well leaving Rex and Ofelia to itemize what goods the colony could afford to trade. Larissa was also there to make sure that Rex and Ofelia were doing just that… and nothing else. They had almost finished compiling the list when Jack came in, wide eyed and holding his PDA.
“Where’s Larry, Moe, and Curly?” Rex asked.
“Oh, they’re out on the green with friend trying to catch bunnies.”
“Please tell me they don’t want to eat them,” Larissa said.
“Rabbit is actually a very nutritious food, but no, there is apparently a large demand for cute alien pets in their section of the universe. It’s all the rage.”
“Did you show them the cats and dogs?” Ofelia asked.
“Yes. But they want bunnies… oh, and maybe a goat or two, we’re still ironing out the final contract.”
“Fine. Why don’t you start with the good news,” Ofelia said.
“Well, it won’t make sense unless I tell you the really really bad news first.”
“Then why’d you even ask.”
“Umm… I don’t remember,” Jack shrugged. “But anyway, the really really bad news is that there’s a huge asteroid hurtling through space on a collision course with Eden Twelve… and it should be arriving here in two years, twenty six days and and two and a half hours. Its impact will throw up a dust cloud that will basically make the planet uninhabitable for the next one thousand years.”
The three others stared at him in shock.
“I have all the data right here.” He beamed it to their PDA’s. They still didn’t move. “Remember, that’s the really really bad news. Doesn’t get much worse than total annihilation, does it?” He grinned and bounced up and down like on of their alien friends. He’d spent too much time with them.
“Why didn’t our scans detect this?”
“Because while we’ve been hurtling from one end of the universe, it’s been hurtling from the opposite direction, but the guys have known about for ages. That’s why they were surprised to find out that someone had come along and settled on it. They were doing a reconnaissance job for some mining outfit.
Ofelia sat down in one of the chairs. “Okay, I think I’m ready for the bad news.”
“They don’t have any compatible parts that would match our communications array.”
“Peachy. So we’re doomed and we have no way of telling the Crosby to stop and turn around,” Larissa said, plopping in the other chair.
“You haven’t asked me for the good news, yet.”
“Give me a minute. I’m waiting for all the bad news to sink in.”
“But the good news will help counterweight the bad.”
Jack was obviously brimming with excitement to explain the mystery of how he planned to get out of Total Annihilation. It would serve him right to just walk out on him and leave him hanging, but Ofelia was too curious. She nodded and he began.
“We’re going to make a trade. They’ve got a ship that’s big enough for all of us. They’ll give us that, and a new planet that’s only fifteen days away in this ship. Apparently it goes really fast. They’ll also give us a new communications array, though I’ll have to work out the compatibility bugs. In exchange, they want the mining rights to Eden Twelve, five bottles of vodka, a food converter, all the housing units. Oh, and six bunnies.”
“They really want the bunnies?” Larissa asked.
“Yup. And they really like the housing units. Apparently we may have crap space travel abilities, but according to galactic standards, we have a high standard of living. They actually like the algae food that comes from the converters.”
“So if we give them all our housing units, what will we live in?” Rex asked.
“I suppose we’ll have to build our own. I mean, they’re not going to fit in the ship that they’re giving us.”
“Jack, do you know anything about building a house?”
“Not really, but I’m sure there are instructions in the mainframe.”
Rex leaned against the table and crossed his arms over his chest. “Is it just me, or is this seeming a might convenient to you?”
“What do you mean?” Ofelia asked.
“Aliens show up out of the blue to tell us we have to move, but don’t worry we’re getting a great deal on a slightly used space ship and planet,” Rex said.
“Are you saying the guys are lying to us?” Jack asked.
“Listen to yourself, Jack,” Rex said straightening up. “You’ve known them for less than twenty four hours and you’re already referring to them as ‘the guys’ and taking what they say at face value. I’m just saying look before you leap. They could be our best friends or they could be sending us on a wild goose chase.”
“The only problem with this, is we can’t prove or disprove their information,” Ofelia said. “None of our equipment is designed to validate it.”
The door chirped and Juliet and Kathryn arrived, looking lively, but dusty.
“Why all the glum faces?” Juliet propped her laser rifle against the wall.
“Jack,” Ofelia said, beaming the information to her mom’s PDA, “tell Mom the really really bad news.”