Chapter 27 (In Which The Fellowship of the Jedi Knights Heads Toward the Palace)

    "Al, you are seriously off your rocker."

    "Well, what else would you call us? We're on a quest, and we're a fellowship, and well, okay, maybe we don't have light sabers, but I bet if we focus we could manage some levitation."

    "Only if you're on drugs."

    "That's always a serious possibility. Considering I've traveled to an alternate universe. I could still be in my own bed back at home. Or in the bin for nutters."

    "If you two continue to converse in such a loud manner, we might as well have waited until dawn."

    "Sorry," Betsy said, bringing back her concentration to following the fast pace that Adeo had set across the country side. They'd already passed through a forest, and were now moving through a ditch on the edge of a field. Adeo refused to let them use the road, which is what had set Al off on the new Lord of the Rings theories. Fred now had some object of super power that they had destroy in order to kill him.

    They walked along in silence for another half an hour before Al must have had enough. He caught up with Adeo and walked beside him, leaving Betsy to bring up the rear.

    "So, Adeo. Got any dragons in Shudador?"

    "No. They became extinct about six hundred years ago."

    "Ogres? Elves? Fairies?"

    "A few here and there, but most of them were eliminated during the Golden Age."

    Betsy spoke up. "You mean they were hunted down and killed?"

    Adeo didn't slow down but he turned and shrugged. "Have you ever seen what an ogre can do to human flesh? I was ten when one wandered out of the mountains and ate an entire village before they could kill him. My father made sure I got a good look at the bodies left behind so I wouldn't hesitate to do what was necessary when I was a king."

    "That's a little brutal. Showing dead bodies to a ten year old?"

    "Being a king means making hard decisions."

    Al nodded. "Heavy is the head that wears the crown."

    "Well said," Adeo replied.

    "Said by Shakespeare," Betsy added.

    "It's still bloody well said."

    "As for fairies, the kindly legends about little girls with wings is a happy child friendly version. They are in truth destructive and vindictive little creatures that love to catch humans in their enchantments. The elves? They left on their own."

    "Oh! Did they go with Frodo to Valinor, the Undying Lands?"

    "No. To the north. They seem to like the snow and are renown for creating trinkets."

    Al's eyes were lit up when he turned to Betsy. She already knew what he was going to say.

    "Did you hear that Bets? They've got elves at the North Pole that make toys! Wait till I tell Junior about that one!"

    Betsy wasn't going to touch that one.

    Adeo motioned them into silence. They were approaching a crossroads and would have to move out of the ditch to continue their journey.

    On the opposite corner stood an inn with a sign that Betsy could barely make out in the darkness. "The Cat and the Viola." The place looked quite subdued and there didn't seem to be any music or people about. A lone horse stood outside, pawing restlessly at the ground.

    "Funny," Al said quietly as he pointed to the sign. Adeo turned to glare at him, then moved them forward across the road. They had just about gotten across when Betsy saw something moving in the ditch in front of them.

    "Tax Evaders!"

    Before Betsy could even think about running, they were surrounded on all sides. Men poured out of the ditch and out of the inn, all of them shouting and carrying large weapons.

    Al put his hand on the hilt of his sword, but Adeo stopped them. Al and his few minutes of wielding instruction would be no match for a trained army of twenty men.

    "What tax is this you speak of," Adeo spoke out confidently.

    A man with a bushy beard and a large and wicked looking hammer stepped forward.

    "The King's Road Tax."

    "And how much is it?" Betsy asked, figuring they might be able to buy their way out faster than they could fight.

    "Well, how much have you got?"

    Maybe buying wasn't going to work. They could probably take whatever they wanted.

    "Bloody fuckin' hell," Al said loudly. "What you boys don't realize is that I'm a friend of your king. Close personal friend, see? And he ain't gonna be pleased if he hears you're picking on his friends."

    The group of mercenaries laughed loudly.

    "What's he gonna do? Send his massive troops to teach us a lesson?"

    "Oh, he wasn't talking about King Adeo," Adeo said quietly. "Because everyone knows Adeo is dead. We're on our way to see the coronation of his friend the new king, Fred."

    That was evidently the right thing to say. Half the group recoiled a step when he said Fred's name. The other half of the group took two steps back.

    "Close family friend of Fred, that's me," Al said with a broad smile and a nod. Adeo strode to the edge of the circle and it parted for him with ease.

    He kept walking, and didn't look back Betsy and Al followed, turning their heads to watch as the men gathered in pairs of two or three, whispering amongst themselves. The three continued their journey, this time using the road.

    "Wow. Fred's got as much pull around here as He Who Must Not Be Named."

    "Though it irks me to use it, I must agree it was most effective. Those troops were in his employ."

    "And there's nothing more feared in this world or any other than a person's boss."

    "Are you sure it wasn't too easy? That maybe they're planning something else?"

    "It matters not. We should be in sight of the city within the hour."

    It was a good thing. They'd been walking nonstop most of the night, and even though Betsy had put on her comfortable tennis shoes, she was getting quite tired. Adeo, though didn't seem to slow down. He just kept walking towards the unseen destination.

    They reached the outskirts of the city, just as the sun's light began to tint the sky. The buildings they passed were quite a sad sight. Many of them were no more than charred ruins, and the people who risked peeping out their windows only took a glance before ducking back down out of sight.

    "Just remember, the sentiments of the people might be quite different than those of the mercenaries, so throwing about his name might not have the same effect. And if my experience with Garlan has taught me anything it is that Fred's spies are everywhere. No matter the route we take, he'll most likely know when to expect us."

    They walked towards the large towering structure in the center of the city. It too, had signs of destruction around it. The wall protecting one side had fallen down, and many scorch marks pocked its surface.

    Adeo stopped before a dilapidated pub near the palace wall. The roof was sagging, but beyond that, it seemed to be relatively in tact.

    "The Slobbering Idiot. Now that's an appealing name for a pub," Al said as they stood outside.

    "It was named for a king of Shudador who suffered from seizures. He built the palace and overtaxed the people to do it. They repaid him with remembrances of this kind."

    "Right. Remind me never to become a king," Al said. Adeo chuckled as he swung back the door and entered the pub.

    Even Betsy had to duck as she entered the pub, though the ceilings were slightly taller than the door. Unless under one of the support beams, Adeo could stand up straight, as long as he bowed his head as he walked to the bar.

    The man behind the bar, was small and missing his left hand. His face showed no reaction as Adeo sat down at the bar. He simply reached over and poured a beer from a barrel into a tankard and handed it over.

    Al tapped the bar and looked expectantly at the barman who raised a questioning eyebrow. Adeo nodded and was served a beer as well. The barman looked at Betsy and she shook her head. Beer wasn't exactly her drink of choice. She'd rather have a sweet girly cocktail. Merry, on the other hand, would not have passed up the beer. She could drink lager and hold her beer better than most of the males they'd met along their travels.

    After Adeo had finished his beer, the barman slapped a large key on the table. Adeo stood, picked up the key, nodded to the barman, and headed up the stairs.

    "Cheers, mate," Al said to the barman after he downed the rest of his drink. "Better than the American shit, but not as good as Guiness."

    Adeo walked down the hallway to the last door on the right and used the key to open the door. Betsy looked around the room. Like the first floor, the ceilings were low, and the room, though clean, was a bit more the size of a closet than a regular hotel room. The décor was quite rustic, with the only furniture besides the single bed, being a large weathered trunk.

    "There's only one bed, and it's pretty small," she said, trying to decide where they were going to put Al. There might be enough floor space for him along one side of the bed, but the wooden planks didn't look like they'd offer much comfort.

    "Oh, we're not here to sleep."

    Adeo slipped the key into the trunk and it clicked easily. He swung the lid up and open. Betsy had to blink when she saw the inside of the trunk. It looked as if it were large on the inside than on the outside. She looked again, and realize that it indeed was. The trunk was actually sunken into the floor about two feet, so that it was five feet deep, even though the outside was only three feet tall.

    "That's a clever bit of architecture, that is," Al said as he peered down into the trunk.

    "Did I mention that Magrid the Slobberer was also known as Magrid the Paranoid? All those taxes, you know. He built the palace full of secret tunnels and escape routes. The secrets have only been passed down from king to king. So I'm fairly sure it's safe to say that Fred has no knowledge of them."

    "That mean I'll be the first non kingly person down that hole?" Al asked.

    "Perhaps, except for a few paramours." Adeo looked at Betsy. "None of mine, of course."

    "Of course." Betsy smiled, knowing that she had the perfect anti-cheating device that all women wished for. He had a tramp stamp of his own to prevent him from wanting other women.

    "After you," Adeo said. He offered Betsy his hand and helped her into the trunk. Once she sat down on the bottom, she noticed a small slide hole in the side nearest the wall. She stuck her feet through the opening and pulled herself down the rough slide. When the end dropped off, she found herself standing up in a room that was pitch black.

    "Oi. How 'bout making some room?" Al said as he hit the back of her legs. She blindly stepped forward into the darkness and after two steps, hit a wall. A moment later, Al clicked on his flashlight and light filled the space. It was just big enough for three people to stand up in.

    "That light may be visible from the outside," Adeo warned as he came down the chute. Al clicked the flashlight off. "I am going to need to get to the door," Adeo said.

    "That might be a little difficult, since this seems to be a no passing lane."

    A moment later Betsy heard a bit of grunting and a noise of disgust from Al. A hand reached out to touch her, and Betsy realize Adeo must have squeezed past Al.

    "Forgive me," Adeo whispered as he grabbed her around the middle and pressed himself fully against her. He rotating them, until he was at the front of the line.

    "You're just using this as an excuse to feel her up," Al said.

    "Why would I do that? I need no excuse to touch her," he said plainly, but Betsy could hear the laughter in his voice. "I would advise silence from this point on."

    Betsy heard a click and suddenly a door slid open, revealing yet another tunnel that was lit with the faintest of light. Adeo ventured into it, and the three of them walked single file through a maze of tunnels and doors. He stopped every once in a while to uncover secret little peep holes, checking as he went. He stopped them at one door and whispered.

    "It seems deserted. There were a few servants in the kitchen, which means Fred is definitely in residence. We're almost to the library."

    Adeo opened a last door, and light poured into the tunnel. He withdrew his sword and stepped into the light. Betsy heard Al's sword leave its scabbard as well behind her as she followed Adeo.

    The library was quite large and had a high vaulted ceiling. It filled to the brim with three floors of ancient looking books, but Betsy did not take the time to look around. She had eyes only for the two miserable figures huddling under blankets in the center of a large cage. Adeo and Al had the same idea that she did.

    They all three headed to the cage at once. Surprisingly, it was unlocked. Adeo swung the door wide and strode over to the blankets. Something whimpered beneath them.

    "Junior?" Al's voice was filled with fear.

    Adeo knelt and pulled back the blanket gently. He revealed a head and recoiled, pulling the blanket with him.

    Huddled under the blankets was Garlan. He screeched when Adeo pointed a sword at him, but it was obvious that the monk was no longer in his right mind. His previously immaculate robe was covered in the dark stain of blood, and his eyes stared back at them with a half empty glaze.

    "Bloody hell!" Al backed out of the cage and began to search the library.

    Garlan finally seemed to recognize the man holding a sword at his innards. "Your Highness, I was going to tell you something. But I forgot." He raised his arm to scratch his hand and that's when Betsy realized where the blood had come from. Garlan's hands were missing. Only two bloody and black stumps remained at the end of his arms. "Oh yes, your father told me yesterday that he wanted to set a date for the Spring Fair."

    "My father is dead. Where is my child?"

    "Child? What child? Oh, the two children…" Garlan stared at the end of his arm where his hand used to be. He took no more notice of Adeo.

    "Where are they?" But Garlan's last edge of sanity seemed to have drifted away.

    "Where indeed?" Betsy whipped around at the sound of an unfamiliar voice behind her. She turned just in time to see a very ugly man swing the door of the cage shut behind them. Adeo charged at the door, but the man managed to jump back, well out of range of Adeo's sword.

    "Tisk, tisk, tsk. That wasn't very nice, Your Kingliness. Oh, and you must be the lovely Mrs. King. Huh. I guess I was expecting you to be more spectacular. You're actually rather plain."

    "Like you're one to talk, asshole." Betsy was going to try and draw Fred's full attention as long as she could. Just as long as it took Al to finish sneaking up behind him.

    "Crude, too, I see. Where did you find her?"

    "Where I come from, women can speak for themselves. They can also tell that on any world in any universe, you are one ugly mother fucker."

    "I think I shall have fun with you," Fred said slyly, looking her up and down as if she were naked.

    "It is also a well established fact that men on immeasurable power trips, are usually overcompensating for something else they can't measure up to." Betsy held up her thumb and finger to measure out an inch or two.

    "What exactly are you inferring?"

    "That you've got a fucking small prick, you bloody wanker."

    Fred turned around to face Al, who with one quick smooth movement, pushed his sword tip into Fred's stomach. Betsy gasped when it slid out the back of him, just as easily. Fred dropped to his knees.

    "That's not fair!" Fred complained. "Adeo's supposed to do that. Who the hell are you, anyway?"

    "I am Sir Al, First of the New Order."

    "Oh. Then I regret to tell you, that you will definitely also be the last."

    Fred jumped to his feet with a spryness that belied the fact that he was skewered like a shish kabob.

    "Did you think it would be that easy to kill Fred, Emperor of all territories he surveys?

"He's got a knife!" Adeo shouted, and Betsy saw the flash of a wicked blade that must have been close to a foot long. He took a slash at Al, who managed to just barely jump out of the way. Without a weapon, Al headed for higher ground.

    "Now this is what I call fair!" Fred backed himself against a wall, pushing the sword out of his stomach. It fell to the ground with a sickening clang. Fred picked it up and went after Al wielding both the knife and the sword.

    Adeo grabbed his sword by the blade, ready to toss it through the bars at Al, but he was already too far away, and topping the third floor staircase.

    Fred was heading slowly and deliberately after him, enjoying the chase. Al grabbed a few books of the shelves and began to hurl them like missiles at Fred's head. Most of them missed, and the few that did hit him didn't even seem to slow him down.

    "I'm debating about what body part I should chop off first. Garlan was an easy decision. He lost something of mine, so I took his hands."

    "I'm very intent on staying intact," Al shouted down at Fred, who was now only a staircase below him.

    "That's too bad. I find I quite enjoy hacking off extremities. The look on someone's face when you smack their face with their severed hand is rather interesting. Sort of mix of horror and disbelief. Thrilling. It's not half as fun to kill them outright. Doesn't last very long."

    The blood had stopped running out of Fred's stomach, but much of it had been soaked into his shirt, turning the front of it completely red. It hardly slowed him down at all, as he came toward Al on the third floor balcony.

    Al frantically looked around, trying to spot any way past the approaching maniac.

    "Alright, alright. How bout we start with my little toe. You want to stop long enough for me to get my shoe off?"

    Fred did stop, looking slightly confused. He apparently wasn't used to his prey relenting.

    Al took advantage of the stop to clamber over the railing and make a sailing leap for a ladder on the far wall. He managed to grab it with one hand, but the swing of his body loosened his grip. Before he could grab with his other hand, he fell backwards toward the floor three stories below.

    Betsy heard the scream echo through the room, not realizing for a moment that it was her own voice. She watched Al fall, as if in slow motion, and managed to turn into Adeo's waiting arms as he hit the ground.

    She recoiled in horror when she realized the shaking of his chest meant Adeo was laughing. She looked over to where Al's body should have lain, but instead, nothing.

    "How the hell did he disappear!" Fred shouted with rage.

    "Did you think it would be that easy to kill Sir Al, First Knight of the New Order?"

    Fred howled with rage and then stomped down the two spiral staircases to the cage. He glared menacingly at his two prisoners.

    "I really should hack one of your toes off instead," he said, running Al's sword along the bars.

    "But you realize I'm a much better swordsman than Sir Al, and to open the cage and take her, means you'll have to go through me first, and you've already had one hole put through you today."

    "True. So I think I'm going to go have some lunch. And find a very big spear."

    Fred smacked the sword hard against the bars so the entire cage rattled with the tone. He then flounced out of the library, slamming the double doors behind him.